Added at 1:21am40 notes

  • When someone walks slower than me: omfg your slow ass is clogging up the hallway for the rest of us put some pep in your step grandma
  • When someone walks faster than me: jesus christ are you on the run from the police this isn't a race you can tone it down usain bolt
  • When someone walks at the same pace as me: who gave your creepy ass permission to walk with me get the fuck away before I call the cops
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everything I like is either expensive, illegal or won’t text me back

(via kxthleen)


(via slickos)

Added at 6:22pm50,735 notes


"Call 1-800-steemer. Stanley Steemer gets carpets cleaner!"


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Instead of saying motherfucker you can just say Oedipus

Half of our generation wouldn’t even understand that

yes you are right the thousands of notes on this post prove how ignorant our generation is. only you are intelligent. you are the chosen one.

only real Ancient Greek kids would understand

reblog if ur a tru 650BC kid

Added at 11:06pm624,257 notes
Jen, I have every single coupon that Bath and Body Works has.

— Sylvia Plath (via teacakes)

(Source: incorrectsylviaplathquotes)

Added at 7:19pm2,377 notes